Single Mom-how to detect scammers in online dating

As a blogger, healer and coach who often xperiments with life regularly, I got asked a lot to be a B2B consultant for a specific niche/product.

If you have read my previous blog, I was asked to be a consultant on a dating apps, a few times.

And I went around experimenting from Tinder to match, eharmony, to spiritual dating, to OK cupid, skout, happen, mindful etc and got to know a few scammers.

One of them… he wanted me to pay money for postage bullshit (stuck in cargo plane etc) so he can send me some Xmas gifts. I went to the police.

Another assignment came up recently (I completed before my sabbatical but only felt right to share now) . From dating apps to sugar daddies apps (yes, you heard me right) and I get to connect with some of the founders to understand their perspectives on creating such apps and also with some of the “daddies”.

And to be honest, most believed being a sugar daddy is exchanging loneliness, intimacy aka sex for money.

And not all are married. Some sugar daddies just wanna companions without having their life be “distorted” (mostly legally) with relationships and so “with no strings attached”.

I had some heart to heart talk with them. And though I don’t agree with their methods, i shared what it means to have mindless sex with strangers in exchange for money….

In spirituality, I believe that when people have sex, they left a part of themselves in each other. Including their soul. The more mindless they are about it and have sex with random strangers, the more empty they become. Because they give away a part of themselves.

Some say including karma and more. That’s why, people felt empty, unsure who they are anymore, got addicted to numb the pain inside and more. But this emptiness and addiction can be healed. It’s gonna be challenging and deep work but it can be done.

As I was sharing that what men needed was not a “prostitute in a closet” where they can call anytime to feed the “inner loneliness and emptiness and cravings of love”, what they truly needed is to be seen, heard, matter and loved for what they truly are. And they agreed with me, after a moment of awkward silence.

But these are my beliefs. I don’t judge them. I just shared what I truly believed. I believe everything especially sex is sacred.

And for women especially single moms who do not have healthy boundaries, and if we allow just anyone to have sex with us, it’s a major trespass with our sexual sacredness, and we lose ourselves over and over again. Not forgetting the myriad energy cords in our wombs.

(I knew being a single mom can be pretty daunting and especially navigating the sexual desires within. This can be learned and self taught through tantric, and many more sacred sexual practises (sacred self pleasures, celibacy etc) that can transmute this energy into power for our everyday manifestations. All I can say is that we are worthy of more. I believe everyone of us have a perfect partner. And what we are doing, they are also doing the same. Meaning, if we are working on ourselves, the men are doing the same. And I cannot wait to see many get united and then they realised, the wait is truly worth waiting for.

But if patience is not one of your virtues, then learn to transmute them. Find teachers, healers, coaches, guides that sync well with you . I will create a course/program when the time is right)

Ok, for my fellow single mom who wants to be online dating or who are already exploring online dating….

To detect scammers and fakers in online dating…

(as much as I want to tell you not to believe the existence of scammers, cos what we focus on will enlarge and attract, but with posters, signs warning us everywhere, I cannot tell u to do that)

So… 3 similar things I noticed, scammer and fakers have:

They are:
Occupations may be Military
Men who are Widowed
They have a child age probably 7-14.
Photos may include themselves in military uniforms, 1 child photo, and themselves with friends at an event.

And as I’m growing my business with systems and such, I’ve noticed that… They too have evolved. They also have systems. Omg?!?!

Perhaps they too go seminars and take business courses ?!?

Recently I encountered 2 types of scammers.

One American Military Doctor coming to my hometown, after getting the vaccine probably in 2 months time with his child. He asked for my email or any social media like line, wechat etc and lastly WhatsApp. (I suspected that later, he will be stuck at immigration or legal documents or something like that and need me to wire some money cos his cards are all in a mess etc….meanwhile, he is building “trust” with me from now till March)

Second is an Indonesian who lives in SG, uses Indonesian business number (is that for credibility?!)

I noticed they have a system and are evolving…. when their conversations seems to be full of “intellect” and open heart based-Ness texts and overwhelmed with cheesiness that can melt any women’s hearts. Overwhelming sympathy cos he only pours out his sappy brokenness. Attract women with his pain cos as women, we want to heal, nurture and love everything back to its perfection, right? Fixer upper, healer meddler?

When I first encounter the scammers, many years back on my research, their English ain’t that great. And I get to hear their voices, totally Indonesian malay accent who pretend to be French?!?

This time they have a list of text that seems right but not right for the questions I gave them. I ask with my heart. They give me scripted answers. And it does not sync well. You will have a rough idea below when you read their text to me.

The email of the American Military man coming to Singapore with his teenager girl (he can come with her because he got vaccine), I chose not to connect. I gave him a lot of questions that he cannot answer. He only choose to answer 3 the most. (maybe his freelance writer charge by per words).

The second one, the Indonesian guy who claimed he was single and not married, eventually thru his long winded story, he shared he is widowed and there is a child somewhere.

As an empath, I felt drained even conversing with him. But I was curious, wondering what else he has in his scripts….

Anyway, when I say goodbye and blocked him and wished him the best, he replied me back using his friend’s number (cos I block him, remember?) asking me to come back and continue the conversation.

I believe he thought I was his fish, that got caught in his net. (remember in business, u need to know who you are talking to? Your no. 1 customer? Or in my case, no 1 victim?).

I can sense his anger as well which I continue blocking and forget about it. But please, don’t ever give anyone your personal WhatsApp number or anything personal even email. Just chat in the app is enough. If he is true, he will do whatever it takes to find you, not the other way.

These were some “scripts” I believed he copied and paste.

Remember, my fellow Warrior Goddesses…. How to know when someone is being true even if he is just a stranger and online?

Open your heart and ask, within. You will know the answer immediately. If not, your ego and fears may be blocking it. So wait. Wait for a day to reply back.

Or start with a prayer :

Dear God, Universe…. Please ONLY connect with me, authentic heart-minded people who deserves my love and I with them. All others not good for me or my higher self, make them and me be invisible to each other. Whatever blocks and resistance I have to love, I am willing to let go now. Guide me. Thank you.

(do edit these and make them yours). And trust the Universe has your back. Then surrender fully.

Last tip…

If you want to attract Warrior King because you are a Queen, you have to truly embody the Queen and goddess within and without.

As a powerful feminine, stop the doing. Start BEING. Stop searching. Men being Warriors love to take action. The masculine loves to hunt and act. As feminine, we attract fast when we are being. Be, enlarge the truth of what you are. Love yourself even greater. Raise your joyous energy everyday.

So, go and figure it out. And Balance it out.

Be CLEAR. What kind of men do you want to attract? What type of partner? If you prefer the doing and want a more feminine partner in a man, go for it!

I just prefer mine, very deliciously masculine (more than me, as a single mom, i wish to detach my “adopted balls” I used in my everyday…

So whenever I’m with him, I wish to flourish my true feminine self. And my warrior King is also one who can express his feminine self whenever he desire. I balance it out, so I believe he is also balanced:)

Expect Miracles, everyday.

I love you.

(this post is unedited. I’m currently on sabbatical leave, I post what I felt like saying unedited and raw, only if I felt its necessary now. So be kind with my grammar etc. Feel the true message I’m conveying and learn from that. Thank you.)

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