Journey of a newbie podcaster #2

After the mass zoom with other 15 people….i enrolled in the Instant Podcast leader program.

I felt intrigued and empowered to start this new journey amongst a tribe of goddesses. 
But at the same time, I was plaqued with doubts and fears. And stories of my past with girls and women came up triggered. 
Rejection, abandonment, being bullied and ridiculed…. The wounds associated started popping up here and there. 
Growing up, I’ve always been comfy with boys and men. They have been very accepting of me and my “imperfections”. But not girls or women, they have been a “nightmare” for some parts of my childhood. But nevertheless, I’m open to heal these wounds and start a new relationship with them. 
The first thing my trainer/coach told me was to do a “light make up” before our first 1 to 1 coaching zoom session. She said it will be recorded and posted in social medias. I was terrified. 
Light make up? What is that? Being on the move as a world traveller, I seldom dwell upon my physical outlook. 
In fact when I was 13, my late mom sent me to a modeling school. I respect her kind intentions. She wanted me to outgrew my “tomboyish phase”. Probably to get me to embrace and love myself as a lady. And what better way than to learn from the experts of beautiful women models. 
But that was ages ago. I’ve only had a lipstick that I kept hoping it last me a lifetime. But of course it expired.
So I had to rush to a nearby mall and grab me one (?!). I thought that is sufficient. But upon reaching there, I nearly fainted at the many brands and hues of red lipsticks displaying broadly.
I had no clue as to where to start. I nearly throw myself a “toddler tantrum” feeling frustrated. And cause of covid, there was no tester (for hygiene purposes). That threw me in the dark.
Well, I browsed for awhile. I pondered and eventually I followed my heart. My mom would love me to have the flashy bright red but I toned it down a few notches.
It’s dark red, matte, I called it “matured red” that makes my lips looking fuller and delicious but at the same time, respectable to be taken seriously.
Well that’s my light make up. I’ve thrown my “modeling lessons” out of the windows upon graduation. 
I’ve grown up watching the women surrounding me. My grandmom always had her eyeliner, lipstick and face powder. 
Even when going out to nearby stores or malls (just with me) on our weekly routine “dates”, she will put them on with her favorite colorful dresses. 
And whenever I came, she shook her head in disapproval, seeing me in my rugged denim jeans (that looked as if it had not been washed in months) , baby-sized t-shirts and flip-flops or occasionally sneakers.
For my mom, she always took great care of her skin. Always moisturising them. 
Her skins felt like a baby’s often soft, supple and moisturised. And she always had with her, a bright red lipstick to perk her beautiful youthful looks even further. 
Unlike both my mom and grandmom, I tend to be the unkept wild girl. Always with messy hair, crumpled small t-shirts and jeans. And I wore them out with bare face (no make up, less than 5 minutes I’m always ready) often decorated with sunburns or freckles.
So there you have it…. 
My second day of being a newbie podcaster in empowering women is actually about my own empowerment. Taking ownership of what I don’t know and facing them. 
The coaching was fabulous. 
Don’t I look wonderful with my new lipstick? 
Don’t forget to click on my affiliate link, when you are interested to join me… 
Blogging on the move. Pardon my errors. 
Expect miracles. 
Love, 
Lina. 
#journeyofanewbiepodcaster
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