Day 81 – Let me be.

Day 81..
What I felt like saying…
When I first started blogging, I liked staying anonymous. 
I felt the freedom to be me.
But when some of my friends found out (some were even my fans), I felt that I did not get the party “applause”  that I deserved. 
People treated you differently when they found out you were some form of online celebrity. Perhaps not used to share compliments, they shared with me criticisms instead. 
I can handle criticism but if that is all I can hear everytime we meet, it dampened my spirits. 
I then kept my blogging journey to myself. 
I doubt none have any idea what it’s like to be bold to just do what feels right to you in your own creative ways…. 
Imagine, putting yourself out there, vulnerable, unsure, a not confident introvert, a homemaker just wanting to breathe again and express herself… 
…. and the very people who was supposed to love and support you, empower you and motivate you, were the very ones who ignored you or put you down…
I felt so disempowered.
When you do something new or and when you became bigger than people expect of you, sometimes your loved ones may not be as enthusiastic as you wanted them to be.
And not only that, I was navigating a new path. There was no one before me in the niche I chose. But I continued in spite of “non positive” reactions I got. Because it made me happy. 
I was not doing for them. I was doing for me. I wanted to breathe, to live again joyously. And I also add in a new intentional purpose as I grew.
Eventually, the number of blog’s readers and fans grew bigger and I appeared on TV, newspapers and more. 
I let loose all the non positives and it’s naysayers and I just focus on my joys. 
So when you start something new, and you felt disappointed by your surroundings, remember, not everyone will grow with you in your journey. 
Some are there for awhile. Some may be there for a lifetime. 
And what they think of you is always about them. Because they perceived the world thru their tinted lenses of limitations.
And when your path gets truly challenging, remember your joys, remember your why.
I used to linger around the naysayers because we were called friends. And I thought they were giving out constructive criticisms but if its toxic in the long run, I felt that its best I evacuate from these relationships.
Now, I don’t really care. 
Peeps came to me and showed up in all kinds of different colours and opinions. 
I learn to discern….mute those opinions that were out of fear/envy and embrace those truly from the heart. 
Envy can make people sick. And experiences can mature us. 
Some peeps thought just because they read every posts in my blog and social media, they knew everything about me. They judged me and they have a certain image about me. 
I can still say, you know nothing about me. 
Some ego peeps even wanted to control me.
Wanted to control the way I write, the way I live my life and many more, for the sake of  being more popular, fame, or money, or whatever they think was right for me…. (and I nearly sold my blog for the above reasons)… 
I cannot tolerate that. This is my work from heart and soul.
This blog was borne out of my need to be me again. The real authentic me, not the false pretend me that I had been portraying for many decades for the sake of others happiness and approval. 
I wanted to breathe again to live with much joy, to express my truth and being. 
And… Though, I blog lots… 
This is just a small snippet, of this made belief world, I called life that I shared with the world.
I don’t truly share everything. And I’m also one of many who can keep secrets. 
As a writer, I understood that some of us have hundreds of hidden personalities and stories still awaiting to be unfold.
And so to the naysayers…
You are not needed here. 
So, 
Just butt out.
Let me be. 
Lina.
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