Day 76 – Happyness snatcher

Day 76….
What I feel like saying…
When I was younger, I knew what it’s like to have happiness snatched away from you…. 
…. And so, I became a joy advocate in my life. 
In my childhood…. 
My father was beyond a disciplinarian. He had some form of beliefs and dislike for dolls and he will throw away every doll given to me as gifts. 
As a child, I felt happy to receive dolls/toys but I did not understand why my father got mad and threw away these sources of happyness.
So I did grew up without playing dolls… But I learn to make us of the power of imagination often. 
Nevertheless, I can remember the 2 toys which he allowed me to play. 
He will only allow me to play with them, on limited times (he kept them in his wardrobe or something) because I thought, he wanted to take good care of them.
Perhaps they were very expensive. 
One was a robotic spell checker and the other was a small gadget that looked like a video game where we shoot alien spaceships.
So, back then with these…limitations…
I felt like I did not deserve joy and that I’m not ready to handle my own joy. And that joy was scarce for me.
So whenever I was happy, I fear almost immediately that someone, somewhere will take it away.
When we were young, parents were like “gods” cos they had so much authority on us, our guides for almost everything and we followed them blindly.
And it became my belief that the Creator, the Divine, was some kind of sadist. Waiting to snatch my joy away anytime.
These were the limited beliefs I conjure. 
But the blessing is that it also made me the happy woman that I am, now. 
And so, 
though it may be hard sometimes to forgive my past and it’s people, I’m open to it. 
I met with my father again not so long ago. He asked my kids what schools or paths were they gonna take?
And I chirped in – “whatever paths that make them happy”.
And he actually repeated his questions, unsure whether I was joking or being serious and I continued repeating my answers.
“Whatever paths that makes us happy.”
Do what makes you happy. 
You are obligated to be happy. 
Love, 
Lina. 
P. S: I do my best to forgive the people of my past. Though I may have forgiven me and them, there were gems of lessons hidden in every story I shared. 
And I know that, the ones we dislike are actually our best teachers. Their job is to make us grow and be better people. 
Together, let’s awaken our world by being our most authentic, joyous, abundant, loving selves. 
It’s OK, if you don’t belong to the crowd. Belong to yourself is enough. You are ENOUGH.
Be the unique you and shine. You matter. 
We matter. The world need us in our colourful truths. Stand strong. Rise bold. 
Don’t matter if there is anyone with you or supporting you or the fact that you felt unwanted or rejected. 
You don’t need permission to be you. You are a life warrior. Have courage to do what feels right to you.
Stop hiding in the shadows. Stop concealing your imperfections. 
It’s OK if you have unhealed wounds. Resolute to learn/unlearn, grow and heal them. We are all works-in-progress. 
Your existence is important and it is powerful. There is a great purpose/s in you being alive. 
Remember that. 
I may not know you but if I did, I know, I will love you. Because no matter what we are, we each deserved to be loved, seen, heard and matter.
This is what I believe. This is my truth. I’m Honouring it by sharing and spreading my message. 
What is your truth? Get to know, explore. Then, Express and Share it. 
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