Day 75…

What I felt like saying….

The ugliness of humanity. 

I felt broken my whole life because as a child, adults have taken what was rightfully mine. They trampled upon my boundaries and snatched away my innocence (refer to day 74).

And I felt there was always something wrong with me.

I felt like God made me but accidentally I fell and broke. 

Like a porcelain doll, I was broken to pieces and was glued back hastily and sold to earth but I never felt whole.

I was always searching for something. After divorce, I was constantly “healing” myself with teachers of the world.

Until, one day, I realised that… 

I was not broken. I grew. I grew and grew. I became stronger and bolder. I outgrew what people expect of me. And I grew very fast. 

In every setback given, I grew and learn/unlearn. 

The broken pieces that seemed to be missing has always been there with me. I chose to hide them away, deep-seated within my spirit.

I was ashamed of what humanity can be. Ugly. (when one has been disfigured as a child in a very traumatic incidents, the world can be very bleak and ugly for them).

And the fact that I was a part of that ugly humanity. 

I knew then what I had to do.

I tore away this belief and perspective that I was broken. Though I’ve faced many ugly incidents that made me believe this way, I also created this “broken belief” about myself.

I went in, look upon the ugliness that I hid. I faced them. I healed them. It took many years. When I thought I have healed fully, in times of crisis, they popped up again. And I have to be courageous enough to go in and face the leftover shadows that still lurks within, over and over again until they became just a debris of the past. 

And the Universe has been kind to grant me a group of people that have been growing with me thru it all.

I cannot do this on my own. Sometimes, i need to do it alone but sometimes I need a village.

So I reached out.

If an introverted empath who is sensitive to the world can find her own tribe to help her heal, so can you.

In a world of 7 billion people, do you think that there is no one like us or even understand us? I believe there is. 

I believe that we may not be exact match but there is someone, a group, a tribe that were born to help us grow and be better people. And viceversa.

Love,

Lina.