what I feel like saying…
When I was a full time homemaker, wife and a mother…
I noticed that when my surroundings treated me like I’m Invisible, i tend to become my “self-destruct” mode.
What does that mean?
Being a homemaker means my work is never done.
And I’m constantly managing “home affairs”, ensuring my loved ones are happy, well fed, loved, healthy, and are at peace.
And unlike jobs whereby after certain hours, you can switch off, as a homemaker, that is not possible. We are always open for business and service.
24 hours, a day, 7 days a week. The only time we are closed is when we ourselves are unwell (and some still run their usual business even when unwell because they fear the families cannot run efficiently without them).
Back on self-destruct mode…
So our “homemaker” world depends on our closest ones, our immediate family (some may extend to others like parents)…
Some of us don’t even have social lives outside our “home management” and our social lives are just our everyday with our loved ones.
And we seek recognition and approval from them, everyday (with or without us realising).
And so we tend to get clingy, needy when our needs are not met.
Because we became too busy to tending others that we neglect to tend to ourselves.
Our husbands, children became so busy and caught up in their everyday lives that they tend to neglect us as well (remember: we attract what we are).
And our depreciating self worth gets lower whenever our loved ones ignored and neglect us.
And we played the toxic thoughts and feelings of unloved in our heads (and this I called the self destruct mode which can turn to depression, anxiety and many more if we are not aware to solve it asap) .
We felt abandoned. We did not express them out but by laying hints here and there hoping they got it. But no one seems to care or even understand.
Eventually, we took it to our hearts. Our hearts began to chip away and ache. Eventually it breaks and we let it be that way.
Some times, we carried those broken hearts to our graves.
Love became resentment.
And we became more clingy and needy that our loved ones felt suffocated.
That is not what we want.
What we actually wanted to communicate is…
Speak to me.
Tell me I matter.
Tell me I played an important role in your everyday.
Tell me I’m seen.
Tell me you cannot do without me.
Tell me I’m valuable in your life.
Say thank you for the littlest things I did.
Hug me for no reason at all, just because I’m a part of your everyday.
Shower me with as much love, as I do for you.
Put yourself in my shoes and feel me.
Notice the littlest details that makes me who I am.
Surprise me with little joys and make me smile.
Include me in your life stories.
Don’t hurt me with spoken words.
Don’t give me silent treatments.
Some times, I’m just tired, be initiative. Give me little massages or words of encouragement.
Communicate with me.
Spend some time with me.
Stop for a moment and cherish the NOW moments with me.
Don’t grow up too fast and forget me.
Tell me you need me.
Tell me, tell me, tell me….
I used to matter a lot in your life, what happens to that?
All I can say, looking back…
Homemakers, full time moms, go and take a break. If your family neglected or abandoned you… Talk to them. Tell them how you feel.
Sometimes they are too absorbed in their everyday that they did not know, they neglected their loved ones.
And hats off to your everyday commitment in managing your home. I understand, its not easy. And perhaps no one seems to appreciate you, then go and appreciate yourself….
Go and reward yourself. The Home and its people can take care of themselves if you go “missing” in a few days or weeks.
Go and give yourself a long service award. Go for paid vacations, go for expensive spas, go all out and make yourself happy.
Don’t wait for special days like Mothers day, valentine’s day or women’s day… to celebrate your worth. Celebrate everyday or whenever you feel like it.
Go and top up your tank of love.
You definitely deserve it.
Love yourself. And everything else will fall in place.
Mothers, wives, homemakers, we don’t need martyrs, we need lovers. We need women who love, cherish and able to pamper themselves.
We don’t need temporary candles that can only last till the end of its wick. We need the Sun. Suns of love.
Be that sun.
Creating tribes of authentic, conscious
abundant women around the world.
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