Day 16 – the art of being authentic, conscious and abundant woman series continues….
what I feel like saying…
Many, many years back, I often put people on pedestal. And I worship the ground they walked on.
Not just for their good looks and swanking style, the deep pockets, their swagger and of course the branded versions of themselves they sold to the world successfully. Be it music, movies, books, businesses or many more.
And my depleting self-esteem was often governed by the people of my surroundings and my idols.
I abandoned my own power to seek approval from people I don’t really know.
They seems cool and successful. And I aspire to be like them, someday.
It’s not that I’m a fan. But they looked like they were from a different level from me. I looked up to them and put them shining like a star in my head. And they looked perfect.
And when they got closer to me, or just say hello, I blushed and felt so in awe as if an angel has touched me with her wings.
That’s why I often fell in love with the wrong people.
I did not worked on my poor self-esteem and confidence. But I created a fantasy-like story that if I can have them, I will be happy. They were my solutions!
But the fact is, I won’t be happy even if a superstar like Dwayne Johnson is my partner. Because the root issue is me.
I enlarge everyone’s light and diminish my own.
Why?… because of this old story that kept replaying in my head-daddy was never proud of me. If I got 1 star, he wants 2, and if I got 3, he might want the whole galaxy. He was never satisfied with me. Always wanting more.
Yes, there is a dysfunctional daddy-daughter issues within. And if I cannot heal that and gather my own happy-ness, then no one can.
Actually the truth is, no one is perfect. As much as I want to, I’ve seen most of the “stars I idolised” up close and personal. And its nothing near perfection that I fantasy-ly conjures…
But cause of the repeated patterns I fused into my life, it’s hard to stay a way. Soon, one disappointment led me to another. I worship the ground of whoever looked perfect to me…. Because I felt broken. I was never gonna be perfect. My excuse was-my own father rejected me.
As I learn/unlearn from my mistakes, many years later, one of my close friend have the same issue.
She cannot talk to people who seems famous (OK, actually really famous, I say seem because I was no longer affected by the illusion. I no longer put anyone on pedestal).
And so I decided to calm her nerves before her meeting. I told her to imagine them “doing their business in their own toilet.”
Yes immediate reaction, yucky!
And then she said-Oh, they are just like the rest of us.
Do check out my previous everyday postings on women empowerment 🙂
Creating tribes of authentic, conscious
abundant women around the world.
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