When you don’t know who you are anymore…

There were many points in my life that i felt like an “alien”…

Not just from the outside world but my own self as well. I grew so fast that i no longer recognise myself, days or weeks back.

Its like upgrading one’s software to a point i no longer knew what version was that. Only when i met peeps who is totally clueless on what came out of my mouth, that felt like life has thrown me a curve ball.

As a traveller and a student of personel development, I strive to be my most authentic self everyday.

But what is that? What’s the authentic version of me? What is my truth?

Everything in the world is an illusion. And sometimes our truth got enmeshed with the beliefs and perspectives of the people we loved, cared and looked up to.

And what we thought were our true selves were nothing but temporary masks, roles that we played in certain points of our lives.

As we learn to undress our many layers of false selves and illusions, our current realities will no longer be a match to what has unfolded and many more to be unfold.

And that will be when, a little discomfort starts to play out. Our realities alongside the people we cared about began to gets “filtered out”.

That may seem like a bad thing but actually these beautiful souls have delivered their messages and have serve their purposes in our lives.

They were supposed to accompany us to a certain checkpoints of our lives and then they have to go their own different paths.

We each will go to the next level and meet more soulmates and karmic mates who will be our “teachers” of life. And that goes on and on.

Sometimes some souls will accompany us throughout this lifetimes, some will not.

Whatever it is, honour their choices and decisions and yours as well.

When our energetic blueprint no longer matches, its time to let go. Definitely not an easy task but it’s necessary.

What was hard for me is the point between acknowledgement that the world no longer recognises me (because I was changing too fast, as spontaneous traveller, being flexible and adaptable allows me to embrace many love “lessons) and the point of grasping the truth of what I truly am or has become.

And in between trying to grasp the hands of my loved ones (warriors I loved) stopping them/me from leaving (I have difficulty saying goodbyes) and preparing to be brave to take a step forward into the unknown.

It is in that chaotic moment that I had to immerse myself in… in order for peace to slowly be present as the cloudiness of chaos slowly dissipate.

I have to totally be present and understand what the outside world is telling me whenever I got “lost” or unsure of my intuitions and instincts.

Recently on a thorough immigration check of my bags, I noticed the things that were supposed to be thrashed out still lingers. I was very disturbed by it because I had to “justify” it in public in front of a few law enforcers. Its not about airing your lingerie in public that disturbed me but my “justifications”. My reasonings for having them in my bag. They made no sense.

We send out energetic imprints of what we carry within and with-out.

And if you go to a law of attraction programs or seminars, one of the common things the speakers/trainers/facilitators will ask you to do frequently is empty your bags, purse, wallets etc on the spot. (Because the Universe rush in to fill up the spaces you create with amazing miracles ;))

Back to the story…
Throughout my 47 countries (yes a new one this month, woohoo!!) rendezvous… i have been and will continue to be a very light traveller. I carry only 5-7kg, 1 backpack kind of traveller.

Regardless of the duration and distance to any countries… that is all I carry (unless its visiting my parents in Europe)…

But in that small backpack, I noticed the many “garbage” I still carry…

These “garbage” related to some belongings of my many identities that I had already shed in the past. Unsure why I did that but it’s a sign that I did not let go fully of some “stories” of my past.

And for a moment, I got lost in translations of the present moment…

I was exhausted. I even cried when someone “stepped on my toes”. In between are messages of my soul telling me insights to my life.

And when I felt a bit out of course, I kept asking why i do this all the time? Why do i subject myself to such discomfort and pain? Why can’t I just sit quietly at home like normal people? Why do i need to expand my comfort zone by going into uncomfy zones? Why do I travel solo spontaneously? Why don’t i take the easy way? Why not be safe and join some seminars for transformation? And why this Ramadan (fasting) month? Why, why, why?

Why do i let the Universe create my personal development programs and transformations? Why do i let the universe throws me into the big vast world of the unknown?

I met some peeps who mirrored my inner truth. I cried again. They were not nice. But amidst that “ugliness”, I thanked them internally and out loud. Because I know that they are supposed to deliver the message of love so I can be a better person-body, heart, mind and soul.

Perhaps this journey was not just about healing self and my surroundings but also to transform fully (no more just a warrior and wizard) without looking back and linger in the past and a big case of realisation: SURRENDER (sometimes i can be a control freak)

And when I felt low, the Universe entertains me from its mystical jukebox of songs and rainbows and more loving souls coming my way…

Vinaka.

i forgive me.

(This is a good but brief explanation of ho’oponopono, hawaiian traditional cleansing and healing method. You can DIY. Btw, I’m a certified ho’oponopono practitioner 😉

Ramblings while traveling….

Check out my www.instagram.com/linamasrina to see my updates on my spontaneous travels.

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