For years, I did my best to be there for the people I cared about. Giving them everything I have. In hope that the world became a better person just to see one additional soul, smiles.
Empaths like me, we seek peace, love and joy in everything we do, often sacrificing ourselves for others.
I’ve been finding and walking my path after I had enough of being stepped upon and bullied. I was 11.
At the same time manoeuvring the caving-in of a world I knew and trusted.
Doing my best to live my everyday, facilitating myself out of what seems like a bleak and hopeless dark world when my parents got divorced.
I knew what it felt to have no one. I knew what it felt to be all alone when the ground beneath you collapsed.
And I hope that no other souls have to go through what I’ve been, alone.
And so anyone who needs my help, I’m willingly put a halt to my life, stop everything and do anything for that one person.
Until came someone who promised to destroy my world.
He said he will annihilate anyone who gets close to him. (I understood him well cos I too have destroyed many stuff I’ve built including relationships).
This was said after countless times, I did my best to be there for him. In spite of the “deadly threats”, I swallowed whatever leftover courage I had and promised to be there for him… with love.
I was stunned. He broke me into a million pieces. Life was never the same again.
I felt like I did nothing except showering him with endless unconditional Love.
But one can only receive Love the way he understood and believed worthy of. And how one is able to receive is when he is ready. I should have guessed from the way he loved himself.
There was none.
That incident alongside many broken hearts I’ve accumulated as I journeyed life with many myriad friends, has taught me much.
That loving, caring, Miss nicest girl was obliterated in the line of duty of being a light worker.
As I learnt the hard way of me first before anyone else… which meant-Love myself first before I love anyone else… life began to transcend into beautiful hues of miracles.
No more martyrdom…
I treasure myself as worthy being of love. Before I love anyone else, I ensure that Love reaches me first.
For some this may be awkward. I get that. You may also assume I’m being selfish.
You see, we are all manifestors of law of attraction.
Aware or not… We are all wizards who manifest our daily lives. What we feel, we attract.
Unless our love tank is full, we cannot give Love to others for we will attract many love-less (unfulfilled restless lovers) like us.
And there won’t be enough until we first have enough and are shining from within to the outside with unconditional love.
So when is enough, ENOUGH? What will it take for the Universe to awaken you?
To stop you from seeking outside for the internal delicious love (you already have it, inside) that you kept seeking in the form of approvals (everyone especially parents), endless cravings(of mindless status), addictions (food, lovers, drugs…) which only lead to a bottomless pit that can never be satiated.
When will it be enough? Till life drains out of you?
Until you start loving yourself fully.
Stop focusing on the outside world. Repair within. Heal.
Open all limitations and brace yourself to face everything within-the good, bad and the awesome parts of you. Embrace love everywhere especially from self. That is warrior-hood, my friend.
I admit the road to love can be very painful. My heart was broken many, many, many times…
But did I retaliate by closing it? Yes, for awhile when I was unaware and unconscious.
But after gazillion mistakes, I just surrender. I cannot keep it close. It was too much energy-consuming.
I allow the higher power to take over and help me. I open myself up to embrace love.
I stand my ground to honour the most precious being, me.
With that, I give myself the best version of love I deserved.
I love you.
I am HOME…
in my own soul and being.
(In warrior camps, we often say “Aho!” In unison as one voice-tribes and nation after sharings, conversations, words of positive affirmations, goals, hopes etc.