I felt like a different kind of human…

After a recent Europe trip, I came back feeling very different. But unsure what was different about me.

i felt something amiss. Like I left behind a major part of me. I thought it was because of the loved ones i left behind and the many teary eyed goodbyes…

I knew that every trip I went, every country and city brings out the best in me and i came back being a different person.

But this time, I felt like I’m in a different body or soul. Something was not quite right. Either my soul has shrunk or there seems to have more ample space in-between.

Like many changes are happening at the same time but on the outer it feels like a subtle transformation…that only the breeze of wind can understand.

I thought I was going crazy on my own… because it does not make sense if I shared it with the world… it does not even make sense when I shared it with myself…

And then I found this article…

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7958282

It described what I felt and experienced…

I’m not alone in this after all…

It’s totally weird. I felt like I’m changing but I cannot see, only feel its slow subtleness.. within. It felt like a silky smooth flow of change.

It also felt like my soul blue print has changed. Everything that I love seems to lose its flavour. And everything that I want no longer seems worthy of its pursuits.

I’ve been through similar after going through dark nights of souls. But that paradigm shifting felt like it was expected and a necessary ending or beginning.

This time, I was not looking or searching or learning or teaching or wanting or even hope to experience anything transformational…

I was just doing what was expected of me: I was just serving with love.

And most times, I did nothing (other than facilitate healing)

Well, the article was good. I’m not sure though that I’m going through a major spiritual transformation… but I have no answers for everything that has happened.

It felt like this body is not mine. This life is not mine… and nothing seems to be in my control. Everyday, i felt strangely different than the people in my surroundings and yet i feel fine with it. I felt extremely sluggish and yet I’ve been resting longer than ever. I’ve also quit bullshitting and cannot tolerate others’ bs. I felt like a knife being sharpened everyday but not knowing for what.

I’ve fought and wrestle with whatever I’ve learnt and contemplate, over analyse, over think, over meditate, over eat, over anything just to grab some answers for that peace of mind.

I then decided… nothing is gonna work. I raised my hands and surrender. God, please take over.

For once, I’m just glad, I’m floating with the current flow…

and not fighting against it.

Finally some peace of mind enters as i allow God to take over… even though I don’t know what my next step, destination, path, dreams etc…

It felt like I’m on an invisible mission or path or something…

A close friend joked… when I mentioned that I’m probably peeling more “onion layers”… He asked- “Do you still have anymore “skins” left?”

Hmm…

P.s: And I’ve just decided to volunteer for Spain Warrior Camp this year (this came as a surprise for me as well as for my many warrior friends).

Although my intention is to volunteer and serve with love. I knew that this camp is magical and has many layers of transformation and definitely many miracles await…

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