My friends thought I’m crazy to do this…
I did set my intention to meet the one recently.
As my mom ushered me to embrace marriage, I decided to play into that idea for a bit.
Using law of attraction, I decided to garner as much energy as I can to manifest him. And what better way to do it in a mass powerful event-Tony Robbins UPW.
I’ve done these manifestations successfully in events that has so much power and energy under one roof. But never for love (warrior camp was another powerful event where I met a congregate of soulmates).
I set my intention as I entered the event and I forgot about it. Truly forgot about it cos I was busy crewing.
And so amongst 12000 participants, for sure it’s a possibility to manifest one person, right?
Well, my eyes love to roam about watching people. And if you have read my blog long enough, you knew that I love men with neat goatees.
I saw one that caught my eye but he was soon drowned by the mass. I too was drowned later with my own “mess” (inner and outer transformations).
But as I was about to leave on the last day, I saw him approaching towards me. And energy in the venue was still wild and contagious with hi-fives, hugs and such.
And somehow, my body arched towards him and we hugged. Before that our eyes met and…it felt like I’ve seen him before (cheesy right? U heard this a lot of times) but I’ve never met him. Never.
I felt a bit of goosebump but I did not stop to entertain that feeling cos I was rushing.
And then approaching the train station to head home, I saw him again … stopping, taking a picture of a brochure in front of me.
Cut story short…
I got him on facebook and we chat for awhile. It was very comfy talking to him although his gorgeous looks can make me “super-awe” and felt unworthy. But nothing like that happen. It felt comfy like I’ve chat with him before. Like I’ve known him and we were close.
He was perfect. The closest man to my recent-detailed list. (I had to do the list again in a recent love program).
He is beautiful inside and outside. Masculine yet embracing his sensitive feminine side. (I got to know many delicious facts about him but I don’t want to share)
As I’m a sensitive empath… I also got a “whiff” of his essence when we met. And my heart just knew that he is the one.
I tried to thwart my senseless heart by saying that I made many mistakes about many men but my heart beams and stick to this one.
This time, I decided to let go before my fantasy version of him (in my mind) creates all types of “self-destruct” plans within me.
I’m known to make enemies out of friends especially those my heart felt sticky to.
And I knew myself too well that once I’m attached, I will go all out to “chase” after him… and then when I got him, I lost interest.
Juggling between codependency and love addiction… of what my past may have severed ties with…
I decided to let him go.
He seems perfect for me. He seems to be everything that I ever wanted. But I don’t want to own him.
Like a curse being lifted…
When I knew him briefly, suddenly visions of him entering my life and my future… played smoothly like a movie theatre… i never was able to do that with anyone i fancied. I had to really focus if i want to visualise.
Well for now…
Knowing his existence is enough. I’ve never done this before. I always inform people I like or love even though, i might be rejected. Its a promise i made to myself when my good male friend in high school loved me for years, secretly.( Cos i did not love him more than a friend and i felt that he has wasted those years on me 🙁
Was I expecting to let Love go and if he comes back to you, he is yours kinda thing? I don’t know.
For once, I never pursue. I just knew it’s the right thing to do. And I felt calm about it. I felt lots of love bubbling up for him but not in a possessive state-I want you in my life now….
Perhaps unconditionally love for a “stranger”…
I told my friends that it’s like seeing the unicorn (if I get to see one in this lifetime)….
It’s so beautiful that adds tears to your eyes kind of enchanting moment and you keep coming to pat it and talk to it. Do it again in few days, few weeks… to ensure it’s real and not a wild imagination.
And then you just let it go and send it out with love.
You don’t want to cage a unicorn, do you?
I knew it’s silly. All these years of traveling searching within and without for answers in hope to meet the one and when I did find one, I just let him get away.
Was I afraid to get my “perfection image of him” crushed once I get to know him?
Was I afraid that I hurt him because I felt unworthy?
Was I afraid to commit?
I don’t know. Call me crazy or a coward. I just knew its the right thing to do…
It don’t matter anymore.
I just love this quote…