Today I watched a flock of men came into a restaurant after their work. I felt a sudden softness of love flowed through me. I’ve never felt that way towards men I never knew.
Their hard work and effort of the day showed on their faces but yet they suck it all in. Acted strong and fearless (even when they are exhausted )to do whatever they can for themselves and especially their loved ones.
I knew about the root resentment of women had for men. It’s everywhere. It’s in our history. It’s in our body.
I for sure held that resentment as a somewhat “entitlement” for the experiences of betrayal and pain not just in childhood but through out my life. I tried to drown them all with words uttered-I love you.
But deep down, I never forgave them. Somewhere inside there was a fire that used everything I had to feed it. To keep it alive no matter what. This fire of hatred.
I often go back to my “victimised”
state and shrugged-What can I do? The first man who broke my heart was my real father.
And yet I subject myself to the same type of betrayal by attracting the same type of men and not holding onto my healthy boundaries.
For sure I cannot change all men, I don’t wish to. I just want to let go of all these resentments, hatred and pain and start forgiving them and also my own acts of betrayal.
To all men known or unknown
In this lifetime or not…
Please forgive me
I love you.