Journal-I'm gonna take a long piss….

Just woke up from a deep deep sleep. And the first thing I wanna do is blog. My mind suddenly became crowded with billions of words and I felt the need to “release” them.
It took me longer to process what I’ve been thru this whole year of travels than the action of traveling itself.

As I reflected what I’ve learnt, seen, heard or even felt, the more I cannot understand myself or this world.

It seems the more I know the less I really really know.

Food. Fast food slow food, organically grown, non Gmo etc What can I say about this? Why can I no longer stomach that word both literally and physically? Perhaps I’ve seen too much, eat too much, learnt too much that all my knowledge about it was threaten from it’s origin?

Do we get affected as the beings who consumed too much?Were the animals treated right before they were slaughtered? And will we be affected by their sufferings when we consumed them?

I was told that the sea creatures were much “kinder” to our body because the water absorbed the pain and it’s toxicity if any. What does that even mean?

South Korea reflected most of my own inner being onto my outer world. This was supposed to be my last stop of the year and I was tired. All facade of intended goodness was stripped and I’m totally was being myself in that country.

“How you do anything is how you do everything.”- I’ve heard that phrases being mentioned in many gazillion seminars even my favorite singer said it that I bet it’s already in my subconscious.

I don’t normally rave about my world travels the moment I reached home. I incubate these experiences within me until I completed my hibernation.

But this time, I do not know how to even begin sharing this year’s tale.

A traveller’s journey may be a lone and unique one but sometimes what they share may be similar to other travelers but this time, I felt totally alone in this perspective. How do I even begin?

Like a pregnant mom whose due date is past due months ago, I’m still holding onto my baby in the tummy. I’m unsure whether it’s still alive, unconscious or even there but it’s a lot to give birth to.
I do not know which part of my world travels changed me but every one of them creates an impact within and without me.

From food to human philosophies to stuff I have not heard before such as “Merkaba” and all kinds of transcending dimensional.

Every step I make creates a ripple that will shake my own sanity when I get back. But why do I continue doing this? Why am I always curious?

The food we created to be consumed and indulged, is it sustaining us, or killing us? Growing us or limiting us? Is it a hobby? Or a never ending cravings to fill up the emptiness we felt inside? Is it a celebration or to mask the dead feeling we have inside?

Today, for the first time in my life,I’ve noticed my black pupils staring clearly back at me. It shows that I’m fully home. Sometimes the soul took a different route and refused to come home when the body has already reached.

The adventure of not knowing what’s gonna happen is totally addictive to me but in reality, I am in need of control. I need everything to be flawlessly as it is, on time and on scheduled. Only as a traveller, was I free to be who I really am. Because I have to. It won’t work if I stick to the old regime of wanting everything to be as planned.

Wake up, Lina. Life is like that. Life is unplanned. Got to enjoy it as it is. Got to stop taking myself and life seriously.

No one can ever fathom what I’ve gone thru in these world travels on my own. Although it’s 90% happyness, there are also times I’m sad, angry and fearful.

But I’m grateful.

p.s: I don’t normally meet people after my travels because my whole being is still affected and am still digesting my experiences. Sometimes, when I break that rule, people misunderstood me badly because I was not able to balance what I’ve experienced to what normal people believe and experienced that I may sound cuckoo. It’s like I’ve accidentally step onto a different world altogether and I cannot make sense of it all. And I do not want to rush it but normally, I won’t be in-tune to current affairs when I got back, it may take months or even years for me to really really “settle” down.

Aah this felt good. It felt like I’ve been withholding this “pee” for very long time. It may or may not make sense to you (or even me whenever I read it back), it felt good to release whatever I felt like saying.

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