My article in : Abang Abu, the Millionaire, Financial & Business Mekanik
Blessed Friday:  Money and Marriage Success Tips.

Good morning, blessed fans,
Today’s tip on money and marriage is: COMMUNICATION.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” 

Doesn’t the quote above shows the beauty of disparity between men and women?
Men and women are definitely different. Even between same sexes, we have different views of life altogether. This is due to the fact that everyone goes through different experiences of life. No two experiences are ever the same, it can be similar but never the same. And we perceived everything through our own unique experiences that we, individually have faced.

To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

First two years of marriage life is about fulfilling the curiosity of knowing each other. The honeymoon period as some would have called it….everything seems to be sweet and fragrant. The feelings of fluttering sensations are blossoming and flourishing.

Whatever that one does, it’s perfectly okay to the other spouse even if it’s quite annoying or frustrating. Because both are still new and are prepared to be accommodating to one another. Furthermore that state of static euphoria is short-lived, once it wears down, the curtain of life reveals a different side of him/her that you never know existed or even aware of.

Then, challenges begin to form. And if the couple do not learn to solve them as soon as possible, the unsolved challenges are going to accumulate and one day, they grow so huge and then explode, unexpectedly.

So the first thing to do is… read the below mentioned tips:

1)     Open your mouth.
Our spouses are our life partners, our soul mates, our best friends (BFF) and closest family member. If you cannot open your mouth and talk to them, then who can you talk to regarding the life that you both shared? When one marries, it’s a lifelong promise to start a new life journey with another, side by side, holding hands through thick and thin. And how can you travel in life if there is no communication? How can you get to a destination without connecting with one another? If you can, then what’s the use of getting married?

Money matters: Talk about your daily expenses. Talk about your splurges, bills, credit cards and other money relating issues. Be involved. Participate. If unsure, go to money management and investment courses together. Have the same mind-set.

2)     Be Open.
Have an open and honest communication with each other. Be an open book with each other from day 1.

Talk about everything under the sun. Everything can be discussed. Love, relationships, marriage, work etc and especially money. Everything has to be shared. You are no longer a lone ranger. You got married to be a duo. So please act like one.  Share everything with one another. That will bond each other closer and be involved in each other’s lives. Understanding one another is a journey not a destination.

When women talk, they want to share their daily stories to connect and expect compassion given by the other party. And one way the women get rid of their daily “burden” is by talking about them. The main thing on their mind is to discharge them. Men meanwhile thought that solutions are needed and they might interrupt the conversation with endless solutions instead of being the compassionate listener.

As for words, definition of words is clear cut for men but for women, they used emotions to communicate their messages. Every word might mean differently for both sexes. Learn the dictionary by heart is the best bet for the woman to get their message across the men. As for the men, its best to socialize with female friends to learn their unique art of communication.
If both are open to learn about each other’s differences, they can definitely listen to each other with their hearts.

3)     Be clear.

“To solve a problem or to reach a goal, you don’t need to know
all the answers in advance. But you must have a clear idea
of the problem or the goal you want to reach.”
W. Clement Stone

What is it that you want to solve? List them if you can. Talk about it one by one. Do not chunk everything together. If there is no clarity, the conversation will not provide solutions but a cycle that never ends will be formed and both may ended up frustrated.

4)    Listen with an open heart.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said”
~ Peter Drucker

Don’t judge whatever that comes out of the other party’s mouth. Easier said than done, right? *lol
Whenever one talks, the other listens. When one is pouring their heart and soul to another, please by all means, listen. Pay attention. Put aside your worldly worries and focus. Allow them to complete whatever they want to say. Give them space and time. Whatever emotions, one can feel, please put them aside for the time being. Respect what the other party is trying to say.
Generally men are very direct and they say what they want to say on the spot. Women have the tendency to beat about the bush by giving plenty of hints. Do each other a favour,  listen with your heart. 

5)     Breathe.

In a tight situation remember that deep breathing clears the
mind and relaxes the muscles.”
– Jeff Lowe

When the conversation starts to get heated up, breathe. Do some breathing, if not, move away, take a breather from one another; go for a short walk and come back later to solve it.  Always come back and never MIA (missing in action) and leave the topic hanging. Always bear in mind that both parties are doing their best to do whatever is possible (with what they each know) to solve the challenges together.

It’s okay to let out your emotions, fully. The other party who is facing the heat, if possible, do not take it personally. If you cannot do that, then breathe deep and hard for 1 minute after the “venting of the hot air”.

Remember, the other party is just as overwhelmed and emotional. And after you let out everything, please remember to breathe as well.

6)     Be a lifelong student to each other.

Main word is LEARN from one another. That will aid humility to be present. Ego will also be toned down. Learning is a way of understanding one another. Learn and adapt. That is one quick way to understand each other and create solutions. Learn from each other’s mistakes. They are not there for one to pin point or play the blame game but to learn. To learn and move on to the next phase of life.
Learn together by attending courses and seminar events. To enrich each other’s lives with togetherness and participation with commitment in education.

7)     Solve it ASAP.

Whatever hurdles that you face in life, be it love or money etc, communicate please. Face it even though it hurts. Solve it as soon as possible. Never ever go to sleep in anger or sadness. At least end the conversation with a happy ending. Sleep happy. Solve it as soon as possible. Kiss and make up if you have to. Do whatever it takes, to sleep harmoniously. It’s healthier too.

And if given the choice of a silent treatment or long email? Which one will you prefer? Silent treatment is when one refused to talk to another and sulk all day. Long emails in the current modern technology, that includes personal messages in facebook, whats app and all other social media. But personally to one another, not a shout out to the world.

Let those grievances out, fully. Sometimes, silent treatment helps to cool each other down. But do not let it extend for more than 1 day. Use whatever works as long as both have completed whatever they wanted to say. Because you do not want to have residues of old conversations/challenges being repeated every day of your life for the next 10 to 20 years, don’t you?

5) Positive thinking: Embrace everything as a blessing.

Whatever happens in life, it’s a blessing. In gratitude of life, one has to think in a positive way. And that is to cherish whatever situation that happens. Everything has a reason. Everything is for our own good. LOVE is what matters. Love is why you both are married in the first place. So let LOVE be present in whatever you do.

Regardless of whether money is abundant or lack in your marriage, communicating about it always helps, Furthermore two heads are always better than one.

Do not think communication is not crucial to your marriage and money matters. Never ever hide the challenge (problem) from one another just because one wants to lessen the burden of the other or do not wish to stress the other party out. It will still pop up sooner or later. So it’s best to communicate everything upfront, since day one.

That’s the beauty of marriage. You get to share your life journey with another whole being like yourself. Everything in life can be solved. Everything is definitely POSSIBLE.

Have fun communicating!

Hope that helps!
And have a blessed Friday!
Happy Regards,
Lina Masrina.

p.s: Do write in your heartfelt comments be it good or bad. I embrace all colorful comments very well, because I believe in order to succeed,we have to constantly improve ourselves. And who else can give us sincere feedback for improvement, right? YOU…of course , the fabulous raving fans.

Together we can make this.. be a wonderful journey of success for you and I , success in life and hereafter, insya-Allah amin..

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Abang Abu for this amazing  opportunity!

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